This is depression in our home. I tried to hang myself in my attic when the board broke and I broke thru the ceiling alerting my family. I fight every day. My husband tries his best but can’t break through. I don’t understand it. I don’t know why I can’t get rid of it. I have a wonderful family. I feel selfish, lost, sick and angry at myself. My brain has always been a little scrambled and I’ve fought just to make it thru school, I can’t keep a job. I can’t stay in task long enough or I take too long. I leave before I get fired. It’s hard to feel worthless and I hate feeling like a burden to my family. I have so much pain inside. I’m in therapy I have meds. All I know is even though I feel like suicide would make life easier for my family, I also feel like if I could just get my head fixed and could be someone worthy, I really would like to stay around. I have been trying for so long I don’t know if it’s gonna happen for me. Today I am here. We will see how tomorrow goes tomorrow. I take it day for day and some times hour by hour. Sometimes i think If I can get through one more hour I’ll go to bed and I’ll sleep til tomorrow and see how it goes. Today has been ok. I’m trying to find something good today to give hope for tomorrow. Today I try. – Zoe Vanmeter |
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